Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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