he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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