he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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