he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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