Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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