I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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