I accidentally burped into my bong.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
