Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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