took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
