I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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