i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dicks are not precious.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
