And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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