I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
