i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
