God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize