Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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