I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
