Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Naked. naked and bneed help.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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