we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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