Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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