Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
