He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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