wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize