saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
