I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
