yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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