How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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