i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
