Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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