Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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