its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
