I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
