I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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