he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
