either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
