She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
