yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
