Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
