The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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