Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
