Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh

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(213): View more from California

I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

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(850): View more from Florida

idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'

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(801): View more from Utah

I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER

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(818): View more from California

All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?

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(810): View more from Michigan

You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.

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