it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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