would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
