24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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