Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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