I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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