btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
