Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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