if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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