So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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