So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize