onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
