we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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