"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
