God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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