I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
