I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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