I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
