My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
