I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize