we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
