Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
