im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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