Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
