I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
