A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
pray to the hookup gods
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
