I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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