it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
