are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
