whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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