Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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