my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
