I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you had me at cake vodka
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
