Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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