I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
