My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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