Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
how does that bad decision feel?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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