We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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