Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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