Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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