Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
