roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
