Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
PANTIES FOUND
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