last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
