dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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