Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
whose parrot is this?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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