I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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