they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
