I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
