I want to stick my p in your. b.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize