If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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