I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
