sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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