ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
