I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
