I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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