based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
