so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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