So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
