At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
