My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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