I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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