I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
