My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
