Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize