I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
