I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
do herpes really smell.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
