thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
