If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
