I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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